Published September - October 2001

Six Things the Jam Scene Can Do Without

By Art Howard

Life on the kind scene is often like being "Home On the Range": Seldom is heard a discouraging word. There's such an emphasis on good vibes and political correctness that annoying and downright silly aspects of the scene are allowed to fester like pus-filled bedsores on a hot summer's day. That's why I was both surprised and refreshed to run into an old acquaintance at a bluegrass show who wasn't afraid to talk openly about his problems with the scene. This acquaintance has been a decade-long member of the jam community whereas I am relatively new. However, despite the gap in the time we've been participants, we had many of the same pet peeves.

It was very timely, then, when I read that Relix was now looking for more frank opinions and less sugarcoated, booster-ish articles. How far were they willing to go? I wondered. This article, a compilation of myself and my acquaintance's beefs, would prove to be their litmus test. By the fact that you're reading it now, I guess that means they're pretty gosh-darned serious.

Whether you're a performer or fan, you will find that this list contains many interesting points that you might want to clip and post on the refrigerator, or call and share with Grandma.

6.) "Hippies" who drive Lexus SUVs. Its always enchanting to see those hardcore hippie youngsters who have taken their vows of musical poverty, foregoing showers, hair-combing and regular meals so they can follow their favorite band on the road. Their spare, non-materialistic lifestyles are really inspirational against the backdrop of corporate greed so rampant in America today.

Their staunch idealism becomes even more admirable as they tuck away Mommy's credit card in their burlap backpack and climb into their metallic gold 2001 Lexus SUV, which they've covered in Phish stickers. Nothing says "I don't bow to the Man" like a power sun roof and all-leather interior. Let's face it, Woody Guthrie would have given his left nut for a good Jensen stereo system while he was riding around in those boxcars singing about the plight of the proletariat.

5.) "I Know You Rider" Sure, its a great song, and the first 1,000 times I heard it covered I said, "Oh, neat! 'I Know You Rider!'" But the 1,001st...I dunno, something just wasn't the same. It didn't get any better by the 2,005th, either. It would appear "I Know You Rider" has become the ultimate suck-up-to-the-Deadheads song.

Bands, take note: The Grateful Dead recorded many albums and have numerous other tunes to choose from. Let's explore them, shall we?

4.) Too many wah pedals. When a band of suburban guys decides to get funky you can count on one thing: that first ninth chord every guitar player learns, played as a one-fret slide for an interminable period of time, wrapped up in plenty of wah pedal. When they really get down and dirty the keyboards and maybe even the bass guitar will also have a wah. I actually saw a band where the guitar, bass, keyboards, and even the drummer had a wah! You had better believe they were the funkiest band on earth, or at least they hoped so.

Please, folks - let's make a written rule that only one band member will be allowed to "wah" at a time, and only for a limited duration. As far as that ninth chord riff - let's retire it entirely. After the third song everything starts to sound like the theme to Barney Miller.

3.) The phrase, "...their eclectic amalgam of rock, jazz, bluegrass and funk." This single phrase seems to have popped up, in one form or another, in every band Web site, press kit and feature interview I've read since I got into this jam stuff. The first thing that bothers me about it is that it is always used as though only the band being discussed has this style (note "their eclectic amalgam").

Secondly, whereas this combo of styles might have seemed original and inspired a few years ago, it is now quite widespread and even expected. Bands, I'm afraid you're going to have to try harder now. How about, "...their eclectic amalgam of polka, country-western, and death metal?" Now that's something you don't hear every day.

As my acquaintance said, "When you see 'eclectic' its a warning sign. When you see 'eclectic amalgam,' its time to run."

2.) "We're not really a jam band." Lots of jam bands are running around claiming not to be jam bands lately. "Just because we cover 'I Know You Rider,' feature sliding ninth chord riffs with plenty of wah, and play an eclectic amalgam of rock, jazz, bluegrass and funk does not mean we are a jam band!" they protest.

The desire to be seen as unique is not unique at all, and neither is it wrong. However, I think the reason so many groups are fleeing the "jam band" label is not because of an artistic desire to avoid categorization. More likely it is because radio, MTV and the mainstream music magazines instantly reject you when you carry that tag. True, it does place a glass ceiling on your career. When you are a jam band you know two things: You get a built-in audience of every bong-toting college kid in North America, and you are most likely not going to be on the radio or be backed by major concert promoters. So now we get bands who virtually invented the genre disowning it.

The truth is, labels are not bad at all! A label lets your potential fan know what kind of music you do, generally, and whether or not there's a good chance they will like it. Think about it -- if someone invited you to a concert but couldn't describe the music, then you found yourself in the mosh pit at a Slayer show, would you not be pissed? Of course you would.

Dance with the one that brung ya. Just be glad they call your music "jam band" instead of "shitty."

And finally...

1.) White guys with dreadlocks and fake, pseudo-African names. White guys with dreadlocks are the height of pretentiousness anyhow. It can only go downhill when you say, "What's your name, dude?"

"My name is Matulu Mabulu."

No, I'm sorry. Its not. Your name is Scott Simms from the Suburbs. Its written all over your pasty-white face. As the great George Carlin said, "You're white, and you're lame. Deal with it!"

Fellow jam fans, together we can solve these minor imperfections in our musical Utopia. I look forward to your eager cooperation.

Read the earliest version of this article here.

© 2001 Art Howard